P arenting isn’t an easy job by any means. It’s often said that it’s one of the hardest jobs in the world. But it definitely is one of the most, if not the most, rewarding jobs. Raising a child from infancy to adulthood and setting them up for success is something that many parents take pride it.

It’s not always easy, and one of the hardest issues to deal with is having your instruction fall on deaf ears. From toddlerhood to the teenage years, children never seem to listen. If you find yourself frustrated with your child’s response to your instructions, it may be time to rethink how you are approaching your child.

The same instruction is going to get the same response time and time again. Changing your instructions and your approach is the best way to get a new response. The sooner you change what you say or what you do (and remain consistent in your change!), the sooner the behavior will be changed.

Children are creatures of habit. If they find that something “works” for them, they will do it time and time again until it doesn’t work any more. That’s why you’ve got to be consistent with your changes.

For example, your seven year old has a habit of trying bargain with you about bedtime. By the time you and he finish arguing for the evening, he’s successfully extended his bedtime by about 30 minutes. It doesn’t matter to him that he spent the whole time arguing with you. He just cares out staying up “late.”

He’s succeeded in engaging you in an argument, and because of this success he’ll try time and time again to engage you on that level. If you want to change his response, you’ve first got to change your behavior.

Instead of bargaining with him, you can direct him to his room at a certain time of night and leave him in his room without saying anything but “Good night.” He may plead and try to bargain. He is trying to engage you in an argument, so the best thing to do is ignore it. Say goodnight and walk out of the room.

The first few nights, and maybe even the first week or so, of this new plan will be difficult to get through. You will be tempted to revert back to the old behavior of reasoning with him and telling him why 7:30 is a good bedtime, and why he needs to go to bed on time. But you’ve got to change your behavior and stick to it.

Kids do what works for as long as it works. Once you make the choice to change your behavior and you don’t relent, your child will give up their typical response. It’s all a matter of finding a behavior that you can reasonably stick to and then permanently making the change.

This way of doing things can apply to your parenting whether your child is 18 months or 18 years. You can easily end your frustration by stopping and thinking about how you’ve been responding to your child. If you notice a typical pattern which produces your child’s typical response, then you can change your pattern to elicit a new response.